By Trevor Klaus
Upon deciding to tour the Kilmainham Gaol prison in Dublin, I was expecting a mix of historical facts about the site and some fresh and funky sing-alongs to everyone’s favorite Latin-American bop Despacito by Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee. However, this was not the case, and all I was left with was disappointment in terms of how the prison visit went.
The biggest disappointment for me comes in the what-ifs surrounding the visit. What if the prison were still operational today? And if so, would Despacito be belted from wall to wall constantly forever and ever? Despite already knowing the answer of these questions to be “Yes”, the historical significance for the presence and future of these what-ifs surely warranted at least some form of acknowledgement from tour guide Lisa. Sure all of the historical jargon about various Irish political leaders over the years being executed for political reasons in the church is interesting, but golly me it would have been much more interesting if the tales were told using the beats to Despacito.
I bet she did not even understand the true reasons why people in Ireland would try and get themselves arrested during the potato famine. Despite these so called “facts” she tried laying out throughout the tour, I know she is simply to try and maintain the illusion that Despacito is a Puerto Rican bop. However, the truth of the matter is that Despacito was developed over hundreds of years of imprisonment in the Irish jail, and was only recently remastered by the Puerto Rican duo (My Brain, 2018). Thus, by the power invested in me, I hereby declare Despacito the official song of St. Patrick’s day.